Money/Work Blahs

I'm having one of those days where my brain is going around and around in this vortex of BLAH and all I want to do is go home. I'm feeling very stuck. This feeling comes and goes for me, but today it seems especially bad. This time it's centered around money and my work situation.

A couple of weeks ago my aunt got new furniture, so I asked for the old stuff as I was planning on moving out and finding an apartment in the new year. To which my uncle says, "Why not look into buying?" So I said "why not?" and contacted my friend's mom who's a realtor. She sent her finance guy my way and though I can't buy now, told me what I need to do to get into a position to do so.

I need to reduce my fixed monthly payments-ie other loan debt like my car and student loans, make more money, and/or get a cosigner.

I refuse to get a cosigner for a mortgage. I'm not buying a place with someone and I can't ask a family member to take on that responsibility for me. It seems unfair to ask for someone to take on that kind of responsibility when they wouldn't even be living in the house.

So right now I'm waiting to hear back from the bank about whether or not I'm approved to consolidate my private student loans. If that happens (I should hear later this week), then my monthly payments will decrease and I can pay off my federal student and car loans faster, plus save for a down payment. Luckily, for a first time home buyer you only need 3.5%, so it won't take me the next 5 years to make this happen.

The make more money part is getting tricky for me. I'm really really really hating my second job right now. It's getting harder and harder justifying having the extra cash for how tired and frustrated I'm becoming. Job number one is a great company, but as a not-for-profit I know I won't be making what I'm worth here. But I'm also afraid to go somewhere else and 1) Hate a more corporate environment or 2) fail.

So that leaves me with either finding a new primary job which would enable me to quit job number two (even though it's scary) or toughing it out. I also really want to start free lancing, but between the two jobs and getting my yoga teacher certification I'm so zapped of energy I don't enough concentration to work on it.

I'll figure it out. I always do. Just had to get some of this out of my head.

Nerd Alert

If you know me, then you know I’m a huge Big Bang Theory fan. Sheldon is my homeboy. In fact, I’m now 2 degrees away from Jim Parson, which I’m unreasonably excited about. I was three degrees away when I found out a coworker went to college with John Ross Bowie who plays Kripke (the guy with the speech impediment) on the show. So I, of course, tweeted my excitement. And John Ross Bowie answered out of curiosity. (This is why he’s awesome-follow him @johnrossbowie).

Anyway. I’ve always leaned slightly to the nerd side of things, but I think it’s starting to get out of control. Because of references on Big Bang Theory and a few posts by the Bloggess- I’ve been watching Dr. Who.

I know. Don’t judge. For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Who is a BBC show about a time traveling alien (Time Lord) who’s the last of his kind who goes on all sorts of adventures through space and time with a female companion. The new episodes (the show originally ran from 1963-1989, but I haven’t watched any of these) are free on Amazon Instant Video if you have Amazon Prime, so I figured what the hell? I’ll watch the first episode and see what it’s all about.

They make references to Britney Spears “Toxic”, Harry Potter (super nerd moment), and some other things that I assume I’d understand if I were British (I’d love to live over there for a year-it’s on my life list). I just love the accents and they’re humor. I LOVE Downton Abbey (please don’t go, Maggie Smith!), and used to watch Are You Being Served? as a kid (my grandparents didn’t have cable and we liked to see what color Mrs. Slocum’s hair was going to be), and have watched 2 seasons of The Tudors-which might technically be American, but it has Henry Cavill. Whoa, off topic again.

I’ve started season five of Dr. Who now. And they’ve switched Doctors again. I know that I’m really into the show by the fact that this upsets me. Even more so than when Rose left. David Tennant was a fantastic Doctor. Matt Smith is ok-he’s different, but his disappearing eyebrows kind of freak me out and I’m finding it difficult to get passed it. Plus, his hair is bordering on Criss Angel, and that’s just not what I look for in a Time Lord. Have I lost you? Sorry.

David Tennant/ via

Matt Smith/ via

The short and short of it is that I’m now guilty of waiting for a mad man in a blue box. Oy.

I promise I won’t start watching Star Trek. Probably. Someone stop me if I do. But I can’t promise to never play “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock”.

Here Comes the Sun…At 6:15 am

I hate fall back time. I’d much rather drive to work in the dark. It being dark at 5:30 makes me tired.  When it’s darker later in the morning on the weekends I sleep in better. 

I guess there’s nothing I can really do about it. Short of refusing to accept it. I could always move to Arizona. They don’t follow it. Is there anything to do in Arizona? Apparently this is Standard time, though.  I don’t like standard.

On the bright side, yoga was much less crowded Sunday. I don’t know if I can thank Daylight Savings for that or not. But it worked out. I also got a little braver in class. I decided that since I didn’t feel like going and almost skipped (and there were less people), I’d push myself a little bit more. I got myself into two full binds and flipped my dog*. I’ve always been afraid that a) I’d kick my neighbor, or b) I wouldn’t be able to unflip.

*When you’re in downward dog: go into down dog split, stack your hips, and flip your free leg over. Google it.

On the bright side, I got a lot done over the weekend. Errands and such. And even had some relaxing time to watch movies and continue knitting projects. I do need to make an effort to go out with my friends though. I don’t want to go into Winter hermit mode just yet. The freak October snowstorm threw me off (Probably. Might have been laziness. Could really go either way.).





Frivolous Dreams

I’m buying lottery tickets today. And whenever I resolve to buy lottery tickets my mind gets away from me. I fantasize about what I’d do with that kind of money. I’m getting them for myself and one other friend and we’d split the money. It’d be over $100 million. Each.


I’d pay off my debt, my brother’s, both my parents, and give at least a million to my aunt who’s been above and beyond supportive of me my whole life. Then I’d quit both my jobs, hire a financial advisor, buy the best camera I can find and plan some kind of trip. Somewhere sunny.

And even though the chances of winning even $2 are slim to none-there’s still the hope. The hope that I could change my life and my family’s forever. To have a house and a space of my own.  Being able to explore and find my passion and help others without having to worry about student loans and car payments. And not having to work. There’s that, too.

Good luck to anyone who chooses to play.  Someone's gotta win, right?
 

There’s a New Man in My Life

He’s got big brown eyes, chestnut colored hair, loves to snuggle and is sooo cute when he wags his stubby little tail.  His name is Otis (like Redding), and is a little bundle of love.  My aunt and uncle bought him last week and he’s definitely a part of the family already.



Not A Post About Nothing

**Warning: Actual post with actual real life stuff.  Feel free to skip, it's pretty short anyway.

I’ve been going through an existential crisis lately.  (I don't like the term Quarter-life crisis (QLC), but I guess that's kind of what it is.) What do I really want to be when I grow up? Should I look for a new job now? How and when am I going to travel? Will I get better at yoga? I hate school debt!  I kind of got pulled into the American idea of a life path.  Finish high school--go to college--get a job.  I never really took the time to figure out what my passion is (I still don't know, but I've been working on trying new things!(I guess it's more baking than anything, though. (Now I want cupcakes.)))


I’m slowly figuring things out. I’ve been reading blogs like The Simple Dollar, Stratejoy, and I’ve just found another one called Zen Habits (linked by @doniree on the twitter). And like any of the other blogs I read and comment on regularly, I take from them what works for me and my life and apply them.  Sometimes it's a way to save money or a homemade gift or new recipe, sometimes it's shoes.

There are times when I read other blogs and I think “I want that. Why not me?” . It’s easy to forget that I’m just reading snippets of someone else’s life, not what necessarily goes into a normal day for them. That's what Molly posted about on Stratejoy yesterday.  I think it's a good thing to keep in mind.

Promising

My horoscope for today:

A whirlwind romance, or a sudden, unexpected change in how you feel about a lover or close friend, could take you by surprise today. Say yes to life and do not hesitate to go along with what occurs. Today, the grass really could be greener somewhere else. Almost the only thing you can do wrong is miss a chance to live life to the full by being too reserved or cautious.

Here's hoping this is at least partially true.

My Kind of Boring (in a good way) Long Weekend.

I am very munchy today. Which would be normal for a Tuesday-had I gone to yoga last night (I skipped due to massive headache which took 4 excedrin and a bath to make any better). I had a long weekend. My office was closed for Columbus Day. Friday I watched Project Runway and Big Bang Theory (from Thursday night…stupid job #2) and the Phillies game. We won! Sorry, Cincinnati (no I’m not).


Saturday I took my aunt to the airport and ran some errands, then had a biffle date with Coconuts (one of my besties from middle/high school). We kicked it old school-dinner at Applebee’s, then to the Regal 24 for a movie. But not before hitting Target for snacks. Helloooooo middle/high school flashback! Except this time my mom didn’t have to drop me off.

Sunday was filled with laundry and baking. And work. Which was busy. Because both the football and baseball games were late. We can judge pretty well when we’ll be busy based on game times, which is kind of nice. Monday I watched NCIS, then ran around a little, mostly just to be outside. I was going to head to the park and sit outside and read, but it got hotter than I thought and I would have died from heat exhaustion. Probably. Or not.

I hope everyone had a good weekend!

 
 
 

Our E-Mail Server is Down, So I'm Posting Instead of Doing Actual Work

Navy guy didn’t get in touch. NEXT. I’m ok with it. He didn’t like baseball anyway. (Speaking of baseball, Victoria’s Secret had their MLB series sweats 40% off. So comfy and soft and warm). I’m beginning to realize how very little time I have for dating anyone that’s not within a 15 minute radius of me. I’m definitely not going to renew, but I’ll keep my profile up until it expires (at the end of October, I think). Maybe when I’m not working two jobs I’ll try it again.


A friend at job #1 said she had a dream that I met a guy at job #2. I’m reasonably sure it’s not my customer crush since he makes me nervous and I can hardly talk to him. Seriously, I can feel my face heat up after 2 minutes. At any rate, I’m hoping she’s psychic.

I’m kind of wishing that the yoga class I’m taking met more than once a week. I’m not sore anymore and I’m anxious to try the poses again. Hopefully soon I’ll master keeping my arms where they’re supposed to be, getting my back to be flat, and not turning my hips out. I wish I could remember the sequence to try at home. For now I guess I can stick with Sun Salutation.

I’m excited to try new things. Remember the aerial acrobatics thing I got? Well now I’ve gotten one for pole dancing (they call it aerobics or something, but we all know- time to break out the hooker heels!)

Sorry if this post is a little disjointed, but my brain’s a little disjointed today, so it’s only fitting. Hope everyone has a good rest of the week and weekend!

PS-My horoscope is always so ecouraging.  Too bad "socializing" means job #2 and ugly uniform today...

*The planets of romance, Mars and Venus, are in tune today, so don't hesitate to share the way you feel or be too cautious. A chance encounter with someone who is on your wavelength could also have far-reaching repercussions. An in-depth conversation shows the way ahead. So plan to socialize this evening, as the stars are on your side where all romantic and emotional issues are concerned.*

4 Mini Posts Equals 1 Regular Post...Yes?

Nothing hugely exciting has really happened over the last week.  Unless you count buying a new purse.  Which I do.  I got this beauty in tan at DSW on Saturday.  I got it in tan.  It's Audrey Brooke 100% leather and it smells so good.  It was only...wait for it...$15.  Thank you 80% off clearance.

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My mom called me the other day to ask me to be executor of her and my step dad's will.  Happy thoughts.  Hopefully we won't have to worry about that for a long time.  On the bright side, she's coming up to PA (from Florida) to visit for my and my brother's birthdays.  We're only a year and a day apart, so it's pretty convenient.  I'm really excited because 1-I haven't seen her since April and 2-It's an excuse to take off of work.  I wish my step dad was coming, too.
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I finally got a new phone!  I got the Samsung reality, so now I can get on the facebook and the twitter whilst at work.  I was a little annoyed with Verizon and FedEx.  Verizon has a rule that you can't pick your stuff up at the facility until there's a delivery attempt.  Stupid?  Yes.  So FedEx leaves a post-it note thingy on my door (there is NO way they rang the bell without my uncle hearing them, I think she assumed no one was there.  Or she knocked softly.) saying I could pick it up after 4:30.  So I go over.  Truck's not back yet.  Third time's a charm, I finally got it.
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I've been car shopping.  It's terribly overwhelming.  I hate big purchase decisions like this.
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Umm...

This came in through out customer service email account.  No, Madelyn, I'm all set on the "pointing-up manhood". 

Funny,  I used to like the name Madelyn...

Broken and Disjointed...Just Like My Brain

Update:  I talked to Bachelor #2 on the phone last night.  We're going to get together tomorrow night for a drink.  Here's the problem with him.  Yankees fan.  BUT, we have hatred of the Mets in common.

I forgot to mention bachelor #4 mostly because I hadn't talked to him for a few days. He's 27, lives in the city, and will be working at a university not too far from my house.  He wants to get a drink when he gets back from Florida (he's travelling for work).

My friends are all really supportive and this is why I love them.  They just want me to keep them on speed dial in case I need an excuse to leave or anything like that.
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My friend, E, will not be at job #2 to share my pain this evening.  We're like sisters, we bicker and pick on each other all the time.  We also usually wear red on Tuesdays.  I'm not going to today in protest.
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CABM (creepy annoying boss man) isn't in yet.  I don't want to get too excited, because I know he's just going to show up and ruin it.
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I went to the dentist yesterday and I have one teeny little cavity.  I like my new dentist because 1) he's not an asshole.  And 2) he's got a picture of his daughter and Jennifer Aniston on the front desk.  I love her.  Jennifer Anniston.  Not his daughter.
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Cinnamon toast crunch is awesome. (Which is probably what gave me a cavity)
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I got my hair did last night.  I told her to give me some bangs.  Now I remember why I decided to grow them out.  I'm going to get a crick in my neck from flicking them over.
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I might update this later if I have any random thoughts.  Of course, you could just follow me on the twitter~~~>

Weekend Stuffs

My computer still has the sads.  My college biffle tried to fix it, but it's a stubborn bastard and isn't having it.  Anywho, my weekend wasn't bad.  I was sick Thursday, so I left work at noon and didn't go to job #2.  I had a doctor's appointment Friday in the AM, so I could sleep in a little.  Except I couldn't eat breakfast because they were taking blood. 

Then I did a whole lot of nothing on Friday night.  Between Thursday and Friday, I watched more TV in one sitting that I have in a long time.  Saturday CB (college biffle) and I went a-malling.  I only bought 2 things (plus food) which is amazing for me.  Usually I talk myself into why I need things, as opposed to why I don't.

I got a drunken text message after midnight on Saturday night which woke me up.  Because I'm old (apparently).  Who the text was from is a whole other story.  I haven't decided if I'm going to share that whole thing yet, if ever.

The weekend was pretty much hot and sticky and I spent a lot time in doors.  Why did we skip the nice summer weather?  Hoping it's not so sticky this coming Friday--I'm going to Hershey Park!  Be jealous.

I Need a Break from the Monotony

For serious.  I've only been back in the office for 2 days this week and I already can't stand it.  I don't know if it's me not liking my job as much as I used to, the fact that my boss is annoying, or the summer sads I get because I can't be outside as much as I'd like.  (Also, why is it so hot and humid already?)

I think I'm going to update my resume and start submitting it to some places and see what happens.  I'm really tired of working two jobs.  I have next to no time for a relationship, not that I have anyone in mind.  Pseudo-whatever-boy is all flaky and stuff.  Where does one meet people these days, anyway?

I also have the travel bug.  Bad.  I was on contiki.com earlier (instead of working) and I saw an amazing 28-day trip around Australia.  Except I don't have an extra $5000 lying around.  I thought a college education was supposed to help you earn more so you can get out of the hole?  Clearly I missed that memo.

I'm going to come up with a more concise plan of how to make more money and travel and all that.  I think Job 1 should probably be getting a Passport.  I had one.  That I let expire.  And may have lost.  Twice.

I guess I just don't want to go through life settling.  For anything.

Is there a universal funk? 

Philly Sports are Fantastical

It's that time of the year, my friends.  Stanley Cup playoffs are upon us.  I'm not a close follower of the NHL.  I like when a hockey game breaks out in the middle of a fight as much as the next person, but I don't watch every game, check the standings, or have a fantasy league (in anything).  BUT...our fantastic Flyers have beaten the odds and come back from three, count 'em THREE, games behind.  The last game of that seven game series was on Friday night.  They were three goals behind in the first period-scoring the third as I arrived at my favorite neighborhood sports bar.  But they came back from three goals behind to win!  I will admit that mob mentality took over and I yelled as much as anyone else in that bar when they won the game.  And I will be excited if they win the cup...it's definitely been a long time coming.

But here's what I don't get about hockey.  It's May.  MAY.  There's no longer ice here in the United States...maybe in Alaska?  Shouldn't the season be over by now?  I mean, we're into baseball season now.  The boys of summer are playing.  "Summer" being the operative word.

Speaking of my boys.  My beloved Phillies (yes I've been a fan since I was little, but now I actually understand the game...with the exception of the infield fly rule...I still don't get that one) are back and rockin' it.  I know it's along road to October, but I can't help but gush a little about how well they're doing so far.

We're number one in our division, number one in our league, and number three overall.  We're only a half game behind the Yankees (effing Yankees), and we have plenty of time to make up the difference.  We've already had a few injuries this season, but I'd rather have them early in the season, then later on in the season.
 It's damn near impossible to live in/near Philly and not get caught up in the fan frenzy that takes place when our teams do well.  Even if you're not a fan per se  it's always fun to go to a game.  The energy is awesome.  No matter what sport it is.

RIP Scott, You Are Missed

*Warning: This is a sad post.  If you want happy, or weird conversations, or pictures of yummy baked goods, I suggest you look elsewhere.  This is mostly cathartic because I've never written more than 2 lines about this.

**Also, there's so much I didn't cover in this, but my brain is so scattered and I don't have

There will always be things that trigger the thought of certain people.  The smell of pipe tobacco, or even cigars, always makes me think of my pop-pop (he smoked a pipe for a lot of my childhood).  Polka music reminds me of my grandpa because he liked to watch polka dancing (seriously) at like 7 am.

And "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly always makes me think of my cousin, Scott.  Most of the time I just smile and sing along, but yesterday I had a moment.  I tried my damnedest not to cry, but a little tear or two did escape.  The reason it hit me so hard was because tomorrow, Thursday May 13, is the third anniversary of his death.

Three years ago, on Mother's Day, Scott took his own life.  It was one of the most difficult things my family has ever been through, but somehow we got through it, and continue to deal with that tragedy. I will never be able to comprehend the thought and will that it takes to put a gun to your own head.  He did this in his family home, in his bedroom, while his parents were downstairs.  They didn't find him, though.  He had the foresight to call 911 himself from his cell phone beforehand.  A police officer showed up at the house and found him.  I am incredibly thankful that my aunt and uncle didn't have to see him like that. 

I still went to work for a few hours every day during the few days it took to get everything situated for the funeral.  I was opening that week, so I had to get up at 4 am.  Which was fine because I couldn't sleep anyway.  Arbor Mist and Tylenol PM was my new best friend.  I left work around 9 or 10 am and headed to my aunt's with the rest of my family.  We did our best to stay strong.  On the day of the funeral I've never seen so many people in my church.  It really was a testament to how well-liked Scott was.He was often the center of attention, but not because he was obnoxious.  He was funny, and kind, and loved his parents and family.

Death is difficult at any time.  But I think it's worse when it's unexpected.  I lost someone who I grew up with.  He was only a year younger than me.  We saw each other every week and went on vacation every summer when we were little.  We did grow apart some as we got older and life got in the way.  But it still hits me every once in a while that he's not at family occasions, he's not here on holidays, and he won't be at my or my brother's weddings.  

I will always think about Scott.  Sometimes I'll smile, and sometimes I'll cry.  And Nelly will always bring him to the forefront of my thoughts.

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

Hello. My Name is Becky and I'm a Procrastinator

First of all, please get out of google reader and notice and admire my new layout.  I'll make a new header, but for now it's the same pic as my Twitter background.  I'm actually kind of proud of that photo.  I took it on vacay and photoshopped the crap out of it. 

Anyway.

I am a procrastinator.  This is something I freely admit.  I procrastinate because it hasn't gotten me into any trouble--yet.  I did it in college, and still got good grades.  (I also never really studied because it was boring and there was always something better on tv.  That's what the 10 minutes before class was for, anyway). 

Procrastination case in point:  I just finished unpacking my suitcase from vacation.  RELAX, it was just the clean clothes I didn't use while I was down there.  That's why I figured it was ok...I mean they can sit in my drawer, or they can sit in my bright purple suitcase.  So they sat.  For three weeks. 

I've also noticed that I haven't made any headway on my Life List (which I'm still debating on posting) and my  goals for 2010.

Which leads me to my next point (or something...I've already given up my first train of thought...).  I am not a overly neat person.  I AM NOT DIRTY!  I don't leave food all over the place or half drunk glasses of soda or tea (any more) laying around.  But I'm not neat.  All of my things don't have homes.  I like to think that this will change when I have my own apartment and I can spread out, but I'm not too sure that it will.  I'm just lazy, I guess.  It's easier to throw my coat on the floor than to hang it up.  I know you're saying it's not, and I get your logic, but in my head, it is. 

I like to take the easy way out sometimes.  I think that mindset has translated and crossed over into other areas of my life.  I've never actively pursued a job.  In high school I worked where my friends worked and they vouched for me and I got hired.  I did a few summer temp stints at job #1 before I worked there full-time.  My aunt works there also, so she just called me whenever there was something open.  I didn't even go after the internship I had during college.  I put my resume on monster.com and hoped for the best.  Somehow it's all worked out.  But I think it might be time to figure out exactly what it is that I want to do and to go after it. 

I don't know if this post is babbley or backwards or if it makes sense.  I'm not even sure how I got from point A to point B on this one.  I guess it really is time for some self-exploration (get your minds out of the gutter).  Sorry for the serious turn...please go back to the balls post.