I'm Scarred

What is it about a restroom door being propped completely open that says “Hey! Why don’t you come pee now!”??


I was working on Sunday night and ended up having to clean and close the dining room-which includes the restrooms. Which is my least favorite job to begin with. My worst fear is walking in on a guy using the urinal, so I always knock 123145 times before I go in, then I move the trash can and prop the door completely open. I had done this, and went into the ladies’ room to clean something and when I went to go back into the men’s room, there was a guy at the urinal.

I ran away. Why would you whip it out in a public bathroom with the door propped all the way open?!?!

Then a few minutes later I was changing the trash can that I had used to prop the door with. The door was open. An older gentleman came walking down to the restroom, so I told him I’d be done in a moment. His response, “That’s ok, I don’t mind if you watch”. Excuse me? “It’s ok, I’ll just use the cube. Don’t tell your father hahaha.” No, no and three times NO. I don’t want to hear old man peeing, let alone see old man pener. Unacceptable. I mouthed “What the f*ck?!?” to my coworker (who was looking down the hall with wide eyes) and ran away.

Perhaps all the weirdoes came out on Halloween? I’ve reached my limit of men attempting to pee in my presence. Hopefully I’ll be closing the bakery this evening.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween (I’m hoping it was better than mine at the very least)!

Boy-Type Post

I went out with Wants-to-be-a-doctor-man last weekend. He’s nice, but, I don’t know, he’s not what I’m looking for. He had mentioned a second date, but hasn’t called me or anything. I’d go out with him again, but I’m not going to go out of my way to get in contact with him.

 

I’ve sent three e-mails to other match-men (MM’s) today and have been checking my e-mail way too much. It’s partially ADD, partially their profile were different from the ones I’ve been reading lately. What I normally get is:

 

• I love baseball and love the watch the Phillies! (Who doesn’t?) 
• I’m a runner (I am not) 
• I like movies/music/tv (so do most people…) 
• I work out 2414351 times week (I go maybe 3 times a week, and am not hardcore but at all) 
• I love my job and am on a super serious path and my life is totally planned out (no).

 

And I keep getting older than I’d like “winks”. Like 45. That is too old. You could be my father, even though you are good looking*. Double NO.

 

*I would only be ok with a 20+ age gap for one, George Clooney.

 

In other boy-related news. I saw my ex-boyfriend at a bar on Sunday. We ignored each other. Like adults.

 

Umm...

This came in through out customer service email account.  No, Madelyn, I'm all set on the "pointing-up manhood". 

Funny,  I used to like the name Madelyn...

Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match

Hi.  Remember me?  Sorry I've been lame this week.  It's not even like I was busier than usual, just especially tired and lazy.  I blame our fourth (!) heatwave.  Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

On a sort-of-whim last Thursday, I decided to join Match.com.  I know of a few people who met their significant others via the internet.  Since I don't want to meet someone in a bar (and we don't really venture out to drink like that anymore...it's more for dinner), no one has anyone to set me up with, and I'm not going to date anyone I work with, I decided to try this out for a month.  I could meet a creeper in bar, or I could meet a creeper on the internet.  It's pretty much a level playing field these days.

If nothing else comes from this, it's done wonders for my self-esteem. I've had quite a few winks in the last week+.  Side note: who winks in real life?  If someone winked at me at the gym or something I'd be freaked out.  For serious.  I guess there's really no uncheesey way to "flirt" via the internet though.

Anywho.  There are 2 guys that I'm interested in and have been emailing back and forth with.

Bachelor #1 is 23 and applying to law school, and working in a law firm in IT in the same town as job #2.  We have the same views on some things and have a pretty good rapport going.  He's moving next weekend (only about 10-15 mins from me), so as long as nothing major comes up, I'm sure we'll end up meeting.

Bachelor #2 is 24, has a master degree, and works for a research hospital in the city.  He also lives in the city (probably 20-25 mins by car or train), which wouldn't be that convenient during the week.   He tutors in my area 2 nights a week, but they happen to be the same nights I work.  We also have a good rapport going, and he seems really smart and easy to get along with.  We were thinking about meeting up on Wednesday.

Both guys seem really good on paper, which is the drawback of online dating. 

Then there's a third guy that I've just started chatting with.  He's 32 and lives maybe 20 minutes down the highway.  I don't really know much about this one other than the fact that he's been tent camping for the last week up in Maine.

I've already had my biffles check these guys out and weigh-in.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

PS-My new profile picture for here is the same one I'm using.  I guess that gives some sort of frame of reference.  Or something.

This is Probably TMI, but I Left My Pride in the Stirrups

 Today was the day I hate the most of the entire year.  It's worse than Valentine's Day when you have no one.  With VDay, there's always next year.  With this day there's always next year, dammit.

No one, no one, likes to have their snatched poked at for non-recreational purposes.

At least I get to go to my family doctor's office where I've been going since I was born.  They already know everything, so I don't have to refill out my medical history all the effing time.

First there's the basic questions.  Discharge, pain, discomfort, etc.  Then the doctor gets to second base with you- A LOT- and then your feet you up in the stirrups.  And you have the urge to keep your knees together, but you can't.  And they always always tell you to relax.  But that's next to impossible.  Plus it feels like there's a draft.

For serious.  Guys don't even know.  I'd take "turn and cough" any day over playing "where's your cervix".  Most males are all "oh well we have to have the prostate exam blah blah blah".  Really?  REALLY?!  That takes a few seconds.  Meanwhile we've got to have our hoohahs propped open with a spotlight shining up there and a giant q-tip swirled around.  Every year.  FOREVER. 

Because you have to go.  Or they don't let you have your pills.  It's blackmail.  If you don't get your pills, then your eggo gets preggo and you have to go anyways so they can poke around "for the baby".

On the bright side, I did get the BC changed to the seasonal stuff.  High fives for no period all summer! It was almost worth it.

PS How does one make the life choice to look at vag all day?  Do you think gynos have a rating system?

A List of Randomness for You to Enjoy.

I have a ton of random stories floating around in my head right now and they're all jumbled and confusing so please don't blame me if this post comes out all jumbled and confusing.  I basically have a few short stories which is why they invented twitter, but here they are in list-ish form.

1-It's World MS Day...learn more here and join the global movement.

2-Effing ShoeDazzle.I ordered the "Nancy" shoes, in which  a portion of the proceeds go toward an MS Society (see above).  And they sent me two left shoes.  TWO. LEFT. SHOES.  Is this God punishing me for too much shopping?  probably...

3-@toywithme is following me on Twitter.  Which I find to be odd.  Since I don't write about sex like, ever.  Because I don't do that sort of thing.  (Or Big Brother reads this.  Hi.)  I sent her sparkle vagina hugs, anyway.  She probably found me through Nicole at More Is Better because I read and comment and twitter stalk her. 

4- I saw my ex-boyfriend at the bar Saturday.  I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a year.  Felt awkward.  Didn't acknowledge him.  I left. At midnight. But somehow didn't get home til 3.  Funny how that works out.

5a-  Took off Monday to go to the Philadelphia Zoo.  It's the oldest zoo in the country.  Recognize.

5b- There was a baby orangutan.  I wanted to steal it.  But it was protected behind glass.  I'll post a picture when I'm not feeling so lazy.

6- Glee was amazing this week.  I love Puck even more now.  And Finn dressed in a red shower curtain was amazing.  Also, I want to get a puppy and name her Jackie Daniels.  Brilliant.

7-  Watch Parenthood on NBC.  SO GOOD.  There were 13 episodes this season and I loved every one of them.

8- My computer is still not fixed.  Fail.  I think it may need to go to the doctor.

9-  Post about girly doctors on Friday.  Please take this time to mentally prepare yourselves.

10- I feel like I need to update my resume and start shopping around for a new job.  Boss man is still as annoying as ever.  I like my job, but I don't love it.  Might be time for a change.

I'm going to stop at 10 because it's a nice round number and I have a touch of OCD when it comes to numbers.  Because I'm weird like that.  I don't like lists with off numbers.  Odd numbers are okay, but only if it's a multiple of 5...I have issues.

Strange Goings On in the Gym...

First of all, I get there and there are people on the machines that I like.  The girl on my #1 choice machine (which I use unless creepy pony tail guy is there or there's someone on a machine right next to it) is probably the preppiest girl I have ever seen in real life.  She was wearing pearls.  To work out.  On my elliptical.  PEARLS.

Then another creepster gets on one of the sit-down bikes (chair attached to a wheel and some pedals). I wasn't aware that one could get off merely by riding a stationary bike.  I had to work out for 20 minutes 2 machines over from this guy who was breathing quite heavily, grunting, and letting out a much too loud "Oh God!" every few minutes.  Uncomfortable is an understatement.

On a brighter note, I did see a couple of not creepy guys there today.  Unfortunately, I always see them when they're leaving.  Not really sure where they were when I got there.  Also, I look like a hot mess at the gym, so I doubt I'll meet the future Mr. Beckles there.  Unless guys are going for the hot mess look these days?  I really wouldn't know...