How to Survive in a Zombie Apocalypse: The Boys Scouts Aren't Even *This* Prepared

I started this post a while ago, and the Bloggess was talking about zombies.  Or she just mentioned zombies once and it reminded me that I had never finished this.

Anyway, there are a couple of ways to survive a zombie attack.

The Classic Decapitation Approach

Severe the head.  This is why we keep scythes around in the modern day.  Just swing that shit and aim for the head/neck area.

The Shotgun Approach

If you're going with this approach, make sure you've got something high caliber.  You've got to shoot that undead bastard in the head.  That's the only way to kill these m-effers.

Michael Jackson aka Thriller Approach

 As Lady Gaga would say, "Just Dance".  Zombies love to dance.  That's why no one ever gets away in zombie movies...they don't dance.  This is my personal recommendation.  It worked for MJ, it can work for you too.


I just don't know what to do in the case of zombie babies.  It's a conundrum.  It's a baby.  You can't take out a baby.  Even if it is a zombie.  Is it possible to adopt it and raise it like a human?  I mean, they've got to be cute, right?  Baby anythings are usually adorable.

Dear Prudence, won't you come out and play?

The title of this post has nothing to do with the actual post.  I've just had that song stuck in my head for approximately foureffingdays.  Thank you afternoon Beatle break.

Anywhatsit...it's going to be one of those weeks.  Last week was kind of one of those weeks ( I had to give one of the kids at job #2 a talking too...tired of working with high schoolers).  But I think that this week is going to take the cake.  It's only Monday, and I'm pretty exhausted. ...I did work out pretty hard today though.  I'm trying to challenge myself a little more.  (Don't worry--I won't end up looking like those creepy body builder chicks who look like men in bikini tops.  I just threw up in my mouth a little blech).

I found out at job #1 Friday that SURPRISE! I have a new boss today.  Thanks for the warning, guys.   It's someone that worked there before when I was there temping in the summer, so I know him.  Here's the thing though--he's really annoying.  When the official e-mail went out about him coming back there was a collective sigh from everyone that had worked with him before.  

On top of helping him get up to speed, we've got visitors this week, including the regional managers.  The RM's won't be in the building much, they'll have most of their meetings at the hotel.  Fine by me, they drive us nuts sometimes.  

In happier news...Aunt Georgette is coming to visit!  I haven't seen her since a funeral, so I'm excited it's a happy occasion this time.  She'll be here tomorrow.  Her visit promptly snowballed into having all my aunts and my dad here on Saturday, which means....family food fest.  WIN. 

Go Go Power Rangers!

It's morphin time!  (even though my spell check doesn't recognize "morphin" as an actual word...details...)

I was at the gym on Saturday and they had the TVs on.  I was very surprised/excited/giddy to see that they were showing the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  The original!

I was discussing this at job #2 on Tuesday night.  It's a little ridiculous how blatantly racist they were with the first batch of rangers.

The black ranger was black and the yellow ranger was Asian.  Umm...hello?  We didn't notice this as children, but I'm wondering now if they ever got in trouble for it. The customer that was there said "and what was with the pink ranger always being a girl?!?"  New favorite customer.

Also, we all know that Tommy (the green AND white ranger) was the shit.  Not going to lie--totally had a pre-pubescent crush on him.

Ah, the Olympics (and some other randomness)

First thing's first--go USA!!  I saw some of the women's cross-country skiing.  That has got to be the least sexy sport to watch.  I mean, the way they have to get up hills or over flat parts is not pretty.  I mean, most sports aren't nice to look at, and I could never do what those women do.  BUT NO.  Not what I would choose to do.

Okay, on to the important stuff.  I love to see the outfits that everyone comes out  wearing in the opening ceremonies.  I love the hats that the US hat.  They were pretty nifty and I'd like one--but not for the $60 that they probably cost.  Can you even buy them? I should do some research...  I also caught the qualifying round for men's snowboarding.  I WANT THOSE JACKETS.  And I would totally go out with Shaun White--DON'T JUDGE ME.  I want to learn to snowboard, so that's something he could bring to the relationship.  And maybe he'd let me wear his jacket--or not.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm inserting my Runway Wrap-Up here.  It's quick...feel free to not read it.

I'm excited that Anthony won!  I loved the dress and would wear it (if I ever went anywhere that it would appropriate to wear something like this).

 

Anthony's still my favorite.  I love his gay southern accent.

I'm Too Tired to Think of a Witty Title...

So my office is now blocking half the internet because of viruses...they say.  I can't get onto Facebook, Blogger, Wordpress or anything else that could potentially make me happy for five minutes when I need a break from staring at spreadsheets and reports.  I do, however, have Google Reader.  Which is great, except I can't see any pictures, just text. 

I can read blogs, but I just see a big empty box.  Which makes me sad.  I don't know if the picture is integral to the post or if it's just there to compliment and accent it.  At least they won't block Google..I hope.  They blocked Google video search.  Seriously, guys?  If they block Google reader I will cry.  I will sit here at my dest and cry.  I can still post via e-mail, so they haven't foiled me yet!  Take that IT department!  (I hope none of them find this...that'd be weird.  Most of our IT department is over 50...not really my target audience).

In good work news: I get to learn Adobe Flash!  I'm very excited because I'll get to do more with our website, and I like the more "creative" side of my job.  I'm really very tired of looking at spreadsheets.

Sidenote:  When you want to try someone's drink and they say "Oh, I'm sick!", DO NOT drink it anyway.  That is how you get sick.  You are not invincible. And they generally frown upon runny noses and coughing in a food service establishment (job #2).

Also:  GLEE EFFING STARTS APRIL 13th!!!!

I Feel Accomplished

In case you haven't heard, it snowed here.  A LOT.  So I had two days of being stuck in the house.  I worked on some unfinished projects, so I feel a little productive. I've actually been working on one of the blankets i started forever ago, so maybe I'll actually have that finished by the end of the year. 

Last week was good work-wise.  The office was only open Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, although I did have to work job #2 all three days.  Thankfully I didn't have to drive through the blizzard to get there.  I don't think my little 4-cylinder Chevy Prizm would have made it, no offense to her.  The sun was out yesterday and the glare made people drive like A-Holes.  I went to dinner and got myself a drink....or three.

Today I finally got to the gym.   The snow has really been messing up my schedule.  The gym's been closed on my days, and I can't go on other days because of job number two. I always feel better after going. I think I might have overdone it a little today though.  I was trying to make up for missed days, and now I'm exhausted.

I also booked my flight to Florida.  My brother and I are going down after Easter to see our mom and step-dad.  I'm hoping to get to the Harry Potter theme park while down there, even though it's a 3 hour drive from Mom's house.  That would be a bonus.  I'm most excited to go lay on the beach.  I'll be counting down the days until April 6th (and working hard at the gym).

I also went to Target today.  How do I always spend more than $50 there?  I'll go in for one or two things and BAM....see ya later money left after paying bills.  I did pick up both Kathy Griffin's and Chelsea Handler's books, though.  I've heard that Chelsea's is really funny, and I lovelovelove Kathy Griffin. So we'll see how that goes.

Runway

I've been a little lazy with the Runway thing...I know.  So here we go, episode three.  This was the first team challenge, which is always interesting.  I thought Jesse was going to take Ping out.  I'm glad she's gone.  I think she's got interesting ideas, but she's not very tapped into what real women would wear.  I don't see her designs translating off the runway.

My favorite dress is by Amy.  I thought it was interesting, theatrical, and beautiful.  I also thought, it would easily translate to the red carpet.

 

I love how the lace is patched together to make a new pattern and how the gold just peeks through.  I also love the cut. The dress that I would wear in real life is by Emilio, who's shaping up to be one of my favorite designers on the show.

 

Scary Model

On to episode 4.  This was an episode that revolved around a great cause-heart disease.  Everyone had to use red, which I love.  I loved the winning dress-again by Amy.  It was flattering and just lovely.  

 

I am glad that Jesus (like "Hay-Zoose, not like Christ) is gone.  He was unbearably tacky and little annoying.

As of right now my top 3 designers are Emilio, Amy, and Anthony.  I'm not going to lie to you, I like Anthony more for personality than anything.  Hopefully I'll be better about posting about the next episode.

Is Your Nose Running?...Then You Better Go Catch It.

From October right on through to April or so I am on the precipice of being sick.  I feel perpetually crappy, but somehow it never blossoms into a full blown illness.  I intermittently take a multi-vitamin, zinc, and echinacea.  But the trick remembering to do so.  I do, however, drink juice pretty much every day.  I think the vitamin C is what does it. 

There's a girl at job #2, E, who has had more illnesses this winter than I have had in the last 4 years.  First she got the swine flu (which is partially because she kept joking about getting it.  I firmly believe she jinxed herself), then she had bronchitis and/or strep, then pink eye, and now she's got tummy issues.  The tummy issues are a chronic thing--gastrobigmedicalword.  Anywho, being that I work with her 2 days a week, I'm thankful that I haven't gotten any of her diseases.  She's got a 6 year old, so she pretty much gets what he gets.  Huzzah.  This is another reason I don't have kids, yet.  Aside from not having a significant other...details...

I feel the crappiness coming on again.  My nose is stuffy/sneezy/sniffly...I should take some dayquil or something, but I don't like to take medicine for every little thing.  So I'll just drink my grape juice and hug my box of Puffs Plus (with lotion) because they rock and hope that it'll go away.  I'm also hoping that the office will be closed tomorrow because of snow, then I can save my sick days for when I get the plague or pneumonia, or I need a mental health day.  I think that mental health days are 10 times more important than physical health days. 

Snow dayyyyys

Over the weekend it snowed.  A LOT.  And we're supposed to get more tomorrow night into Wednesday.  I'm hoping (against hope, maybe) that the office is closed on Wednesday.  I have to work at job #2 tomorrow night as well.  Crossing my fingers that I'll get home okay.  My car doesn't always like bad weather.  But I did just get a brand-spankin'-new battery tonight.

I like snow days. But only if I can stay snuggled up inside watching movies and doing my crafty-old lady hobbies.  Saturday, I made healthier chocolate chip cookies.  (Which are gone, btw.  My uncle's a bit of a sweet tooth).  They were pretty good.  It was the first time that I made them, they were pretty much oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips instead of raisins.  I'll make my own adjustments next time I make them.

I also worked on one of the knitted blankets that I started a while ago.  It's a really pretty purple color, hopefully I'll finish it at some point within the next decade. I have 2 blankets and 2 scarves in progress right now.  I'm also working on a bead necklace.

I spent the rest of the day watching some movies on demand.  Thank you Verizon Fios.  I watched "The Ugly Truth" and "The Proposal".  I don't care what you say, I still love Katherine Heigl.  It was a pretty good movie.  I always like a good romantic comedy.  I also liked "The Proposal" because 1) Ryan Reynolds.  He's pretty AND funny (as is Ms Bullock).  2)  The scene where Sandra Bullock is chanting and dancing with Betty White.  I just about peed myself when she started in on "to the windows, to the wall".  I hope everyone had a good weekend!

Boyfriend Application Addendum

I've thought of something else...

Be an outside person!  I like indoor activities and suck, but I loveloveLOVE being outside.  Especially when the weather's nice.  I live not to far from a bike trail and national park and I go down there and walk/jog(ha)/bike when I can.  And I absolutely effing love the beach.  If you're one of those "ew the beach is boring I'd rather do 7 other things than go there" then don't even bother.  I would spend my entire summer on the beach if I could.  This is why I enjoy visiting my mom in Florida--she works RIGHT ON THE BEACH.  It's fantastical to get my beach fix in the middle of winter.

Update: And also like cheese.  And stuff covered in cheesey goodness.

Boyfriend Application

Well, Valentine's Day is coming again.  No boy to share it with this year, which has led me to write this little list of what I look for in the opposite sex.

Boy Must:

Be within a desirable age range. If he's got to wait in the parking lot while I go get a drink at the bar, no thank you.  Mustn't be more than 5 or 6 years my senior either.  Maybe that'll get extended.

Please have an accent I can understand.  American, Irish, British, or something equally yummy.  If I can't understand what he's saying, he's going to have to move along.  I don't want to waste half my life asking him to repeat what he just said.

Do not have kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love kids.  But I would honestly rather start my own family than take over another one.  Having baby mamas in the picture usually makes things really messy.  If he's got baby mama drama, next!

We need to have shared interests so we have something to talk about.  If we share the same taste in music and books--perfect!

Drug free is the way to be.

Bonus points for:

Green eyes
Wearing glasses
Being a Vonnegut fan
Enjoying concerts/club shows
Being a Phillies fan
Enjoying museums

There's definitely more that would allow me to click with someone, these are just the basics.  I'm sure I'll edit.

A Note to Some of My Coworkers

Dear People in my Office:

What the eff?  Is it really necessary to leave 2 sheets of toilet paper on the roll and not change it.  I can see how it could be taxing as the new rolls are about a foot away.  Are you the same person who leaves the last sheet of paper towel on the roll?  I always like to use that glue-covered last piece while drying my dishes, warming up my lunch, etc. 

Please take an additional 3 minutes to refill the ice cube trays.  I'm aware that you're busy--we all are.  But until we get a new fridge with ice maker, REFILL WHAT YOU FINISH!  That goes double for the coffee.  Yes, I'm talking to you six-cups-of-coffee-drinker.  You know who you are.  You're the people who will take from the new pot so you don't empty the old one.  Just make more coffee.  While we're on the subject--if you spill coffee grounds, sugar, and/or creamer, clean that ish up.  Do you leave messes like this at home?  Does your significant other clean up after you as though you're a child?  I think it might be time to grow up.

Kthx =)