And That's When the Other Shoe Dropped

It's the part I always wait for when there's a new guy in my life.  But this time it really caught me off guard.

Manfriend and I broke up.

Ever since he found out that he's got to have surgery on his neck (he has a herniated disk from the accident), something's been off.  Something shifted with him.  He became depressed.  He had been since the accident, but it got worse.  He's terrified of surgery.  We had a couple of fights, which wasn't normal for us.  Usually we're pretty calm.  And I felt like he was going to cancel on me about going to the shore.  He didn't.  Things didn't go like I wanted on that trip.

I've never been this upset over and ending with someone.  I've literally cried every day in the last week, which hasn't been a norm for me in a long time.

The short and short of it is that he's depressed, he's decided we're too different, and that we shouldn't be together.  We are different, but I think that's part of why we worked.  There was other stuff, but I'm not going to betray his confidences here.  He thinks I can do better.  And it's not just a line.  I can tell that's really how he feels. Which makes me even more sad.

We still care about each other, so maybe it will work out another time, but as for now it's not going to happen.  We are going to keep in touch and be friends though.  Something I've never really done with an ex.  First time for everything I guess.

It just sucks.

Updated: I thought I couldn't even be mad at him. Turns out I found a little anger toward him about some stuff.  Not the whole thing.  It is probably better that we broke up at this point.  But still.

I've Grown Some Feelings.

I woke up this morning thinking it was Monday, but it’s Tuesday. Usually that happens the other way around.


I’m really hoping for a relatively easy week. I hardly got to see manfriend last week because of our schedules. And he scared the living bejesus out o f me on Saturday.

I called to wake him up at 8:15 to see if he still wanted to go to yoga with me. He’s been really tired lately and not sleeping well at night, so he decided to stay in bed. He asked me to call at 12:00 to make sure he was up to go see a dog he was interested in adopting. I called and he didn’t answer. 5 minutes later he still didn’t answer. I waited until 1:00 and tried again. No answer. So I decided to make cookies for my dad for Father’s Day. I got done around 2:30 and still hadn’t heard anything. By this time I was starting to get anxious. He usually calls me back pretty quickly. Plus he had had a seizure after his car accident, so I felt I had some right to be worried. On the more logical side of things (it was a one-time seizure, and he’d been fine for the last 6 weeks), I didn’t know if he had to be at work at 4:00 or later. So I headed over.

I don’t have a key to his place, but luckily his apartment is on the bottom floor and his window was open. He was fine. He was just in such a deep sleep that he didn’t hear his phone. I told him never to do that to me again-even though I know he didn’t do it on purpose.

It also showed him how much I care. And I think I surprised myself a little by how much I care. Which is honestly a little scary.

What I've Been Doing Instead of Blogging

I’m going to write with bullets/a list. Apparently this is how I blog these days. Hey, at least there’s writing going on over here.

 

• I went to Florida to visit my mom over mother’s day. It was a pretty laid back trip that consisted of the beach, shopping, and eating. Just the way I like things.

• There were a few family parties. All of which the new manfriend attended. Yes, a manfriend. He also happens to be my trainer (Gasp! The Scandal!). It was totally unplanned. On my end anyway. Which turned out to be a good thing, because I was never trying to impress him or anything, so I know he likes the real me. I like him a lot. I might even heart him. We are not to the big L stage of things yet. He’s met pretty much my entire family. This is kind of a big deal. I don’t bring just anyone around. 

• He got hit by a car on Cinqo de Mayo (the day I left for vacation), so I've been showing off my mad baking skillz.  Because baked goods always make people feel better.

• My dad had to put down both of our family dogs. Rufus had to be put down on Tuesday. He was 16 or 17, so it was sad but not a huge shock. Rucci had to go down a couple of weeks ago. She was Rufus’s daughter. She was a surprise. Turns out she had a brain tumor.

• I went to David’s Bridal yesterday with Kellifish. She found out she was pregnant after she bought her dress. (It's not a shotgun wedding.)  So she's getting the same dress, just a lot bigger.  Luckily they do exchanges and can alter the dress she already chose to fit her belly.  (They  have fake baby bumps there if you kno anyone who happens to be preggo and getting married.)

• I'm itching to get to the shore.  Not when it's oppresively hot like it is today.  Just soon.

• I'm getting an InternGirl to do my bidding in the office.  Not really.  She will be helping out and stuff though.  This way they can give me more creative stuff.  So exciting.  Especially since I'm too lazy to look for another job.  Also, I don't want to leave for something else that's only good enough.  I've been working on figuring out what I really want to be when I grow up.

More (probably) on the stuff that's to be continued soon!

Firsts

Saturday night I went out with a guy from match, M. We need to pray to the dating gods, people, because I actually liked this one. He’s 27, an engineer for the Navy (he’s not in the Navy, though), lives in a nice little section of the city, and is going to grad school. And he’s funny. Definitely the best date I’ve had since starting this whole thing. I’m giving him until tomorrow before I forget about him.


Last night I went to my first ever yoga class. I’ve done some yoga at home, so it wasn’t my very first experience, but it was my very first experience doing it correctly. It was nice to have the teacher there to adjust me as needed. I have issues with not keeping my "shoulders in my shoulder sockets" and with not keeping my hips straight. And also with my balance apparently. The class is at a dance and gymnastics studio, not a yoga studio, so it’s interesting to see what else I might be able to take there. There were only 4 of us in the class, so it was really a steal for almost-private classes. Oh! And they cranked up the heat in there. So that was a whole new experience as well. I’ve got 9 more classes on my class card, and I am excited. I felt myself improving a little with the teacher’s help, so I’m excited to see how well I can do in 9 more weeks.

My aunt, uncle, and I have also started on the Weight Watchers points system thingy. I don’t want to drastically lose weight, but I do want to get in a healthier range. I lost a couple of pounds last week (even with eating my weight in sushi at the buffet). Between WW, yoga, and the gym I am very optimistic about meeting at least one more of my goals.

Boy-Type Post

I went out with Wants-to-be-a-doctor-man last weekend. He’s nice, but, I don’t know, he’s not what I’m looking for. He had mentioned a second date, but hasn’t called me or anything. I’d go out with him again, but I’m not going to go out of my way to get in contact with him.

 

I’ve sent three e-mails to other match-men (MM’s) today and have been checking my e-mail way too much. It’s partially ADD, partially their profile were different from the ones I’ve been reading lately. What I normally get is:

 

• I love baseball and love the watch the Phillies! (Who doesn’t?) 
• I’m a runner (I am not) 
• I like movies/music/tv (so do most people…) 
• I work out 2414351 times week (I go maybe 3 times a week, and am not hardcore but at all) 
• I love my job and am on a super serious path and my life is totally planned out (no).

 

And I keep getting older than I’d like “winks”. Like 45. That is too old. You could be my father, even though you are good looking*. Double NO.

 

*I would only be ok with a 20+ age gap for one, George Clooney.

 

In other boy-related news. I saw my ex-boyfriend at a bar on Sunday. We ignored each other. Like adults.

 

Deal!

I took the deal-I've decided to keep Match.  I have been emailing this guy who might be too much crazy for me.  It was fine for the first couple of messages.  He won't tell me his name.  I've asked him twice.  TWICE.  I can undterstand missing it once in an email.  And the last couple have seem rushed to me and really short (like 2 lines).  It's weird.  He did tell me he had some recent head trauma.  I may need to leave this one alone.

I applied for a job.  In the city.  It's working for a blog that talks about fun stuff to do in Philly.  Kind of awesome?  Yes.  I love the neighborhood the office is in.  So we'll see how that goes.  My mind is already racing with the possiblities and they haven't even emailed me back yet.

Why is there so much new tv on tonight?  I'm hoping I get home in time to watch one of the 10 o'clock shows.  I'm really into Royal Pains, but Jersey Shore starts tonight!  Gotta love TV that's so bad it's good.  I'm going to have to catch Project Runway on demand or something, though.  Because they moved it to 9.  They moved Big Bang Theory to Thursdays in the fall.  I might have to quit job #2 so I can watch it.  And Glee.

Decisions, Decisions

I'm deciding whether or not I want to cancel my Match account for now.   I don't have a lot of time for dating anyone that's not within a 20 minute radius, at least not during the workweek.  I went to cancel today so I didn't get charged again when the 31st rolled around, and they  offered a buy 1 month, get 2 free. 

I don't know if I should take it or leave it for now.  I've been polling my friends, I have about 3 days to decide.  Opinions?

Caffeine or Alcohol?

We went with caffeine.

I met up with Bachelor #2 last night.  We talked for about two hours.  He's nice and we can hold a conversation, but I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to make out or anything.  At this point I'm feeling pretty neutral. 

I added new pictures and since then Bachelor #1 hasn't e-mailed me.  Curious.  This  could be because he's busy (he's moving this weekend) or because he's an asshole.  Can't be sure yet. (Update:  Not an asshole.  Just busy moving.)

The third guy is eh.  haven't really talked to him much.

Then there's #4-who has been kind of floating in the background.  He had been traveling, so I haven't been hearing much from him. But we'll see.

And we have a new one, my friends.  This one works at a local hospital and will be going to medical school.  He thinks he wants to go into family medicine.  He's 24.

To be continued (apparently).

Votes so far?

PS.  I'll add a photo of my (new) trimmed up hair.  When I'm not being lazy.  Today I was really lazy and just pulled it back.

Broken and Disjointed...Just Like My Brain

Update:  I talked to Bachelor #2 on the phone last night.  We're going to get together tomorrow night for a drink.  Here's the problem with him.  Yankees fan.  BUT, we have hatred of the Mets in common.

I forgot to mention bachelor #4 mostly because I hadn't talked to him for a few days. He's 27, lives in the city, and will be working at a university not too far from my house.  He wants to get a drink when he gets back from Florida (he's travelling for work).

My friends are all really supportive and this is why I love them.  They just want me to keep them on speed dial in case I need an excuse to leave or anything like that.
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My friend, E, will not be at job #2 to share my pain this evening.  We're like sisters, we bicker and pick on each other all the time.  We also usually wear red on Tuesdays.  I'm not going to today in protest.
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CABM (creepy annoying boss man) isn't in yet.  I don't want to get too excited, because I know he's just going to show up and ruin it.
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I went to the dentist yesterday and I have one teeny little cavity.  I like my new dentist because 1) he's not an asshole.  And 2) he's got a picture of his daughter and Jennifer Aniston on the front desk.  I love her.  Jennifer Anniston.  Not his daughter.
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Cinnamon toast crunch is awesome. (Which is probably what gave me a cavity)
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I got my hair did last night.  I told her to give me some bangs.  Now I remember why I decided to grow them out.  I'm going to get a crick in my neck from flicking them over.
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I might update this later if I have any random thoughts.  Of course, you could just follow me on the twitter~~~>

Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match

Hi.  Remember me?  Sorry I've been lame this week.  It's not even like I was busier than usual, just especially tired and lazy.  I blame our fourth (!) heatwave.  Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

On a sort-of-whim last Thursday, I decided to join Match.com.  I know of a few people who met their significant others via the internet.  Since I don't want to meet someone in a bar (and we don't really venture out to drink like that anymore...it's more for dinner), no one has anyone to set me up with, and I'm not going to date anyone I work with, I decided to try this out for a month.  I could meet a creeper in bar, or I could meet a creeper on the internet.  It's pretty much a level playing field these days.

If nothing else comes from this, it's done wonders for my self-esteem. I've had quite a few winks in the last week+.  Side note: who winks in real life?  If someone winked at me at the gym or something I'd be freaked out.  For serious.  I guess there's really no uncheesey way to "flirt" via the internet though.

Anywho.  There are 2 guys that I'm interested in and have been emailing back and forth with.

Bachelor #1 is 23 and applying to law school, and working in a law firm in IT in the same town as job #2.  We have the same views on some things and have a pretty good rapport going.  He's moving next weekend (only about 10-15 mins from me), so as long as nothing major comes up, I'm sure we'll end up meeting.

Bachelor #2 is 24, has a master degree, and works for a research hospital in the city.  He also lives in the city (probably 20-25 mins by car or train), which wouldn't be that convenient during the week.   He tutors in my area 2 nights a week, but they happen to be the same nights I work.  We also have a good rapport going, and he seems really smart and easy to get along with.  We were thinking about meeting up on Wednesday.

Both guys seem really good on paper, which is the drawback of online dating. 

Then there's a third guy that I've just started chatting with.  He's 32 and lives maybe 20 minutes down the highway.  I don't really know much about this one other than the fact that he's been tent camping for the last week up in Maine.

I've already had my biffles check these guys out and weigh-in.  I guess we'll just have to see what happens.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

PS-My new profile picture for here is the same one I'm using.  I guess that gives some sort of frame of reference.  Or something.

I Need a Break from the Monotony

For serious.  I've only been back in the office for 2 days this week and I already can't stand it.  I don't know if it's me not liking my job as much as I used to, the fact that my boss is annoying, or the summer sads I get because I can't be outside as much as I'd like.  (Also, why is it so hot and humid already?)

I think I'm going to update my resume and start submitting it to some places and see what happens.  I'm really tired of working two jobs.  I have next to no time for a relationship, not that I have anyone in mind.  Pseudo-whatever-boy is all flaky and stuff.  Where does one meet people these days, anyway?

I also have the travel bug.  Bad.  I was on contiki.com earlier (instead of working) and I saw an amazing 28-day trip around Australia.  Except I don't have an extra $5000 lying around.  I thought a college education was supposed to help you earn more so you can get out of the hole?  Clearly I missed that memo.

I'm going to come up with a more concise plan of how to make more money and travel and all that.  I think Job 1 should probably be getting a Passport.  I had one.  That I let expire.  And may have lost.  Twice.

I guess I just don't want to go through life settling.  For anything.

Is there a universal funk? 

Boyfriend Application Addendum

I've thought of something else...

Be an outside person!  I like indoor activities and suck, but I loveloveLOVE being outside.  Especially when the weather's nice.  I live not to far from a bike trail and national park and I go down there and walk/jog(ha)/bike when I can.  And I absolutely effing love the beach.  If you're one of those "ew the beach is boring I'd rather do 7 other things than go there" then don't even bother.  I would spend my entire summer on the beach if I could.  This is why I enjoy visiting my mom in Florida--she works RIGHT ON THE BEACH.  It's fantastical to get my beach fix in the middle of winter.

Update: And also like cheese.  And stuff covered in cheesey goodness.

Boyfriend Application

Well, Valentine's Day is coming again.  No boy to share it with this year, which has led me to write this little list of what I look for in the opposite sex.

Boy Must:

Be within a desirable age range. If he's got to wait in the parking lot while I go get a drink at the bar, no thank you.  Mustn't be more than 5 or 6 years my senior either.  Maybe that'll get extended.

Please have an accent I can understand.  American, Irish, British, or something equally yummy.  If I can't understand what he's saying, he's going to have to move along.  I don't want to waste half my life asking him to repeat what he just said.

Do not have kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love kids.  But I would honestly rather start my own family than take over another one.  Having baby mamas in the picture usually makes things really messy.  If he's got baby mama drama, next!

We need to have shared interests so we have something to talk about.  If we share the same taste in music and books--perfect!

Drug free is the way to be.

Bonus points for:

Green eyes
Wearing glasses
Being a Vonnegut fan
Enjoying concerts/club shows
Being a Phillies fan
Enjoying museums

There's definitely more that would allow me to click with someone, these are just the basics.  I'm sure I'll edit.